Unlocking a Deeper Connection

Nine years ago, I started writing and blogging the series How to Love a Transracially Adopted Person to process my complex relationship with love. As I explored its many dimensions, from romantic love to family to friendship, I unlocked a deeper understanding of myself. My hope is that, through my sharing, you’ve found something meaningful, too. For adopted persons, I hope you feel seen, validated, and worthy of love. For adoptive parents and anyone who loves an adopted person, I hope you’ve gained insight into how to deepen that love in a way that truly nurtures and supports the adopted person in your life.

This series isn’t just for adopted persons and their families—it’s for anyone who wants to move beyond transactional relationships and into truly transformational love.

Over the past year, my relationship with my boyfriend, David, has been a deeply personal exploration of these themes. Our journey together has given me new insights into love, identity, and belonging, particularly through the lens of transracial adoption. As we celebrated 1 year together, we sat down for a podcast interview and it was such a beautiful conversation. I hope you’ll give it a listen and let me know what you think! (How to Love a Transracially Adopted Person: Unlocking a Deeper Connection)

Deepening the Conversation with David

From the start, I felt that David truly saw me. And because of some of our shared identities, I believed he could really understand me. Like me, David was born to a white mother and a Black father. While he wasn’t adopted, he has personal connections to adoption and knows what it’s like to be part of a blended family. These experiences, I believe, have shaped his identity, his sense of belonging, and his capacity to love me, a transracially adopted person.

During the podcast I shared the challenges of navigating relationships with the fear of abandonment—a reality for me and many other adopted persons. One of the biggest challenges in loving me is that I am hardwired to believe that everyone who loves me will leave. Even though I have a loving family with amazing parents and many relatives who have stayed, deep down, I question if I am truly lovable enough for people to stay. This fear becomes especially acute around my birthday—the day the first person who was supposed to love me left.

Why This Matters Now

With nearly a decade of reflection since the first installment of this series, I can see how much has changed—and how much still needs to be addressed. Adoption narratives are shifting, and adopted persons are demanding more space to express our experiences. Conversations about race, identity, and belonging have become more urgent than ever.

Through this series and podcast, my goal remains the same: to create a space where adopted persons are not just heard, but deeply valued as the experts of their own lives. Our experiences hold lessons that extend far beyond adoption—lessons about love, family, and the structures that shape us.

Let’s keep learning together. Because love—true, transformative love—requires listening, growing, and showing up for each other in meaningful ways.