How to Love a Transracially Adopted Person is an intimate series of essays on love and adoption. I began writing this series in 2016 in an effort to share the most vulnerable aspects of my journey in an effort to understand the impact of family separation, and differences of race and culture on my ability to love and be loved. As I reflect back on the series and my journey, I realize that for me, my transracial adoption experience will forever be linked to the most excruciating, expansive, and empowering manifestations of love…

Excruciating because my baby-self needed and deserved more time with my mother of origin. My toddler-self needed to feel the familiar comfort of her voice and touch. My kid-self needed to recognize myself in another instantly. My teen-self needed less chaos when it came to understanding who I was becoming as a Black/bi-racial woman. My young adult-self needed reassurance that I would not date or fall in love with a biological brother. All of me needed more grounding in the facts so I could more quickly find my way to knowing and loving my whole self.

Expansive because while I was needing all of these foundational things, I was being loved and nurtured by my mother and father of experience and creating deep, life-long bonds without genetic connections. I was shown the value of community, the beauty of nature, and the importance of hard work. I recognized that while we did not share the same biology, my mother and I shared strength of character and humanitarianism. I saw a similar sense of pride and stubbornness that lived in myself and in the father that was raising me. I laughed until I cried with a sister who would become my all-time favorite person. And cried myself to sleep when my older brothers both left for the military.

Empowering because while all of these very complicated dynamics were going on, somehow, I always knew I could be and do anything. Empowering because once I lost my family of origin, what more was there to ever lose? Empowering because I existed, and deep down I knew I deserved to be on the earth and I was worthy of love. It’s taken me 51 years, therapy, commitment to self-care, connections to kindred spirits, and people not giving up on me, to feel a deep and abiding sense of self love that is unshakable.

During the month of February, tokens and transactional symbols of love are everywhere. Valentine’s Day cards, candies and paper hearts are abundant yet so many of the transformational elements of love remain elusive and rare. In transracial adoption, it can be easy to speak about love as a key ingredient and yet, the deeper conversations and connections to the harder parts of love connected loss and differences of race and culture so often get buried.

Today as I close out this series, a call to action for parents and professionals. To truly love a transracially adopted person:

Resist the urge to simplify love because it’s easier for you.
Be fiercely dedicated to anti-racism and work diligently to understand your racial identity so you can help the child entrusted to you with theirs.
Spend less time worrying about getting it ‘right’ and more time engaging in mindful reflection that allows for an empowering journey of love.

To my community of transracially adopted persons:

You deserve to heal from the losses of family and culture.
There is no one way to experience transracial adoption.
All aspects of you deserve to be protected, celebrated, and loved.

It’s been seven years of exploring the intersection of racial identity, relationships, and love. While this series may be coming to an end, my commitment to leaning into the most complex parts of our human experiences will most certainly live on.

Thank you for reading the series, sharing your good words of validation, and for being part of my extended family of adoption and foster care. I love you!

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Check out the other parts of the “How to Love A Transracially Adopted Person Series” exclusively on juneinapril.com/blog

Part One: How to Love A Transracially Adopted Person

Part Two: A Roadmap Toward Transformational Love

Part Three:Adoption, Love & Loss

Part Four: A Love Letter

Part Five: Love in the Time of A Pandemic & Racial Justice

Part Six: Transformational Love Means Listening

How to Love a Transracially Adopted Person: Part 7 Excruciating, Expansive, and Empowering Love