At the start of every New Year, many of us make resolutions. We look back to learn and hope that in the days, weeks, and months ahead we make progress in areas of our life we have decided need some extra effort. As we think about our individual identity and how it relates to the culture and our identity of our family, complexities arise for many.

Today’s families reflect what we see in the tapestry of life around us, with patterns woven from diverse threads. Families today are blended from many different cultural backgrounds and may or may not resemble each other. These differences, and the complexity that results, have been part of life for adoptive families for the many decades adoption has been practiced. This is why adoption offers a rich opportunity to teach the world about the intricacies of human interconnectedness and how to navigate the unique family experiences we all carry with us.

Three core areas that are essential for a transformational adoption journey are developing healthy identity, building strong relationships, and meaningfully navigating differences of race, class and culture. As you begin this year and take stock of the year ahead, there are many ways to fill your upcoming calendar with authentic opportunities to develop healthy identity, build stronger relationships, and develop skills to meaningfully navigate differences of race, class and culture.

Developing Healthy Identity

Individuals entrusted with children through adoption have expanded their family to include children but also much more than that. The birth culture of the children is an essential aspect of the child’s identity and should not be erased or ignored. What also shapes identity for children are the experiences in the family in which they are raised. It is a both/and mentality that will best help parents navigate healthy identity development alongside their children. Understanding that aspects of birth culture blend with elements of experience means that parents infuse birth culture throughout the entire family’s lives. This means understanding that certain practical elements, like hair, skin and eye color along with ethnicity always arise from biology. Acknowledging this as parents in positive ways sets a foundation for kids who are adopted to feel proud of their background and connected to their roots.

Personality traits, likes and interests may have a connection to biological background but can also be learned through experience. Understanding this first as parents and then validating this with kids helps them to best fuse all the parts that make them who they are and grow to develop a whole and healthy sense of self. With all of this in mind, as a practical matter, make time on the calendar to engage in activities that recognize adoption as an integral part of the whole family identity, especially that of your child.

Building Strong Relationships

Healthy relationships are necessary for healthy families. In adoption, the family is expanded to include many different people. Members of the child’s birth family are not just connected to the child but also to the family as a whole. Similarly, fictive kin, or close family friends connected to the child before they joined your family through adoption are also important relationships to maintain. Keeping these connections alive in your child’s life, and demonstrating a commitment to these connections for the whole family, shows a child that their past connects to their present and helps to build a healthy future.

There are almost always people from a child’s life before adoption that are safe and healthy to remain as important members of the family. These people can serve as helpful supports to you and your child as you navigate some of the complexities that come with adoption. In addition, having strong relationships with the adoption community can offer valuable insight and support. There are many networks for adopted young people as well as parents connected to fostering and adoption. Finding these groups and making it a calendar priority to stay involved will keep relationships within your family and beyond it healthy and strong.

Meaningfully Navigate Differences of Race, Class, and Culture

Because there are no two families with the exact same culture, all adoptions are transcultural with many more adoptions that are also transracial. Remember, a child’s identity is always significantly impacted by their birth family experience. This will include aspects related to cultural identity, such as ethnicity, race and religion. Expanding a family through adoption means you are also expanding your own family culture.

Making room on the calendar throughout the year to meaningfully acknowledge this with activities the whole family enjoys is key to navigating the differences of race, class and culture and infusing birth and adoptive experiences to create one healthy family identity. Perhaps you celebrate Christmas each year and set up the tree and other decorations to acknowledge this Christian tradition. If you know that your child’s birth family celebrates Hanukkah, make sure you take the time to learn about the traditions and bring elements to life. In addition to specific celebrations such as these, make sure that your child regularly sees and interacts with people that look similar to them…and that you are too! If your child has brown skin but only ever is around people with white skin, this can feel alienating and have a negative impact. development in negative ways.

People should always feel proud of how they look and their ethnic background; as parents it is essential to ensure regular and meaningful interaction with diverse communities such as through churches, community centers, school and other activities. When the whole family engages in this, it creates a bonding experience for you and your child and validates that through adoption, the entire family is transcultural.

These fundamental building blocks of a healthy adoptive family are also principals that every family can benefit from reflecting on, both as individuals and as a family unit. As you plan out your calendar for the upcoming year, save some room to remember to focus on identity development, building strong relationships and meaningfully navigating differences of race, class and culture. Doing so will create a family experience that is healthy and whole for everyone.

A New Year, A New Opportunity to Reclaim the Calendar