November 2019 Podcast Episode #45: Reflections on Adoption, Identity, and Family with Chef Marcus Samuelsson and Guest-host, Louis Johnson Jr.
For the past three years, the Born in June, Raised in April: What Adoption Can Teach the World podcast has been engaging members of the extended family of adoption in transformational conversations about the most intimate elements of identity, family, relationships, and love. Each month, these bold and brave conversations deconstruct what people think they know and create an opportunity to shift perspectives through very personal and important lessons from the individuals closest to adoption.
November is particularly poignant and powerful. Arguably, the 11th month of the year is the biggest family-centered holiday and it is also National Adoption Awareness Month. For many of us, whether we celebrate the truth and complexity of Thanksgiving or not, November is a time when we gather together with gratitude and grace and reflect on what family means. More than two decades ago, November became National Adoption month under the Clinton administration expanding from the initial week-long celebration. The idea was to highlight the need for adoptive families for children waiting in foster care - a laudable and necessary goal, given the 100,000-plus children waiting in foster care to be adopted.
Today, known to many of us within the community as National Adoption Awareness Month, November is a time of elevating the voices of the extended family of adoption to amplify the diverse experiences and realities we hold. With all of this in mind and to punctuate this important month of awareness and education, it was pure joy to welcome special guests chef, author, and transracially–adopted person Marcus Samuelsson and his pal, guest host, Louis Johnson Jr.
When I set out to expand the podcast, I reached out to my dear friend, the accessory king and style icon for Harlem Haberdashery, Louis Johnson Jr. My vision was to interview Marcus and create more of an experience with a small audience and backdrop of the well-appointed and intimate boutique. As we brainstormed the episode, it occurred to Louis that while he and Marcus had shared many a walk and personal conversation, they had never really discussed adoption. We decided that if Marcus was game, he would join me as a guest-host. Marcus said, “Let’s do it,” and before long we were gathered around a table at Ginny’s Supper Club supported by the love of our extended Harlem family.
Going in, I knew the conversation was going to be inspiring and enlightening, and it was exactly that and so much more. Prompted by questions from Lou and myself, Marcus described his beginnings as he, his mother, and sister (all ill with tuberculosis) traversed the red clay of Africa seeking life-saving medical attention, and hope. After losing their mother, and still searching for hope, the toddler and his sister found their way to a Swedish hospital where a nurse made certain they found a new family through adoption. Eventually, the two Ethiopian-born children became Samuelssons and began their life in Sweden.
Far from Africa, in a new land, with new language, new smells, and new faces, their deconstructed family was reconstructed. Marcus speaks of trips to the market where his mother would literally have to fight off folks in the community wide-eyed with curiosity (and wanting to touch their hair), because they had never seen black people in real life. As Marcus and his sister began the work of assimilating, their parents made certain they had the tools to navigate the world outside of Sweden. From “English-only” weeks to regular trips to the country where even labor was even more a part of their existence, the intentionality and consistency of his parents’ presence was palpable.
Listening to Marcus share his experiences as a person of color adopted into a white family and community, I could relate on so many levels and I was in awe of his life journey.
As the conversation continued to unfold, Lou and I got a clear sense of how Marcus holds the power of being black, how he navigates differences of race and diversity, and his work ethic. Marcus also described connections to his extended Swedish family as well as the life changing moment when he met his birth father in Ethiopia. We talked of his beautiful family today and his extended Harlem family.
As we neared the end of the interview, we talked about what adoption can teach the world. Marcus shared his thoughts about adoption being ahead of the game in terms of how we can be in relationships with each other and how the structure of family can indeed be fluid.
As I asked Louis what he thought adoption could teach the world, his answer was a bit more complicated as he revealed his very personal connection to adoption as a birth father – something he had not shared outside a small handful of folks. Throughout our planning and prep for this episode we had several deep discussions about adoption and Lou’s questions became more specific. He was asking about when a child might be told they were adopted and other elements about how adoption might be structured. Soon, I understood his inquires were not simply about preparing for the conversation with Marcus. I learned that early in his adolescence, Louis fathered a child and adoption was a decision made between the elders of three families.
While his son remained local for many years and there was a connection, at some point the family and his son relocated and the connection was lost. Today, Louis is opening up about his experiences and hoping for a reconnection with his son. From day one, I felt a connection to Louis, but never could I have imagined that our conversations would open up space for healing and an even deeper intertwining of our hearts through adoption.
This November, as we honor another National Adoption Awareness Month and reflect on the meaning of family, what can adoption teach the world?
Regardless of how it is formed and even when reminding us of our most embarrassing moments, for many of us, family is everything - the foundation of our humanity and the center of our gravity. Under the best of circumstances, maintaining healthy family connections is challenging and requires understanding, thoughtfulness, and patience. This is even more so for the extended family of adoption where added layers of complexity exist.
Truly honoring adoption and family means recognizing the complexity and the beauty, the gains and the losses, and to see the many dimensions with new eyes, open minds, and big hearts.
And last but certainly not least, there are so many of us that are connected to adoption and we may not even know it. Sometimes, all it takes is an earnest and authentic conversation to find those shared pieces and parts that truly connect us by the hearts!
It is my belief that when we expand the conversation about adoption and family, we are essentially expanding a very necessary conversation about the importance of healthy identity development, strong relationships, differences of race, class, culture, and gender, and transformational love.
It is more important than ever before that we go even deeper to understand our families and ourselves and to find safe harbors to be in connection and conversation about our lives, and that is exactly what Born in June, Raised in April is all about!
Listen to the full episode on iTunes and Stitcher and visit my YouTube channel to watch the video highlights. Please share, leave a comment, and rate/review the show.
Check out Our Harlem featuring Marcus Sameulsson on Audible and follow Louis Johnson Jr. on Instagram @datstyledawglou.
